I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
