I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
