I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
