I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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