they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
PANTIES FOUND
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