I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
