Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
