after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
