So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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