Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
