1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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