2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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