My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
