You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
