We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sarcasm needs its own font
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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