you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she peed on how many people?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize