Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
