Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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