I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
