She's JV to your varsity
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
