Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
