Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
