But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
