What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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