Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
