Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
