What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
