I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
