im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize