i already hear my dad disowning me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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