I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
