imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
