Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
