Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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