The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
