I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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