Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
