It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
