He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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