Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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