it wasn't lemon gatorade
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
