the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
