I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
