maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
