Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Holy sore nipples Batman
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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