im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize