god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this boner is exhausting
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
