i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's blow job season.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
