whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
