I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
