...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
