A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
