just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
