Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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