wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
