He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
