so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just puked most of my soul out..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
