So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
