Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
