dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
