dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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