I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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