Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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