i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
