i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize