I'm so fucking centered right now
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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