i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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