We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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