Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
